Nomatterhow"magical"yourchildhoodwas,theremaycomeanagewhereyoufeelashiftinthewayyourparentstreatyou.Asateenager,it"snormaltocreateacertainamountofdistancebetweenyouandyourpaleas.

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Thereisanaturalseparationthathappensbetweenparentsandchildreninlateadolescence/earlyadulthoodasgrowingchildrendevelopseparateidentitiesfromtheirfamily members.You"reslowlyputtingawayyourchildhoodpastimesandexchangingmake-believefortruth.Growingup,yourparentsandotherimportantadultsmayhaveshapedthewayyousawthepeople.Duringtheteenageyearsandpast,but,youstartdevelopingyourownsocialcircles,yourowntastesinmusic,yourownfashionfeeling,yourownfavoritecelebrities,andmaybeevenyourownfaithsorotheropinionsonimportantproblems.Knowthatthisisariteofpassage,andthe majority of,ifnotall,teensgothroughit.

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Thiscanbedifficulttransitionforyourparentsbecausetheyhaveinvestedalotoftimeandenergyinraisingyou,andnowtheyhavetostarttheprocessoflettinggo.Astheylosecontrolovermanyaspectsofyourlife,theymaybeanxiousaboutyoutestingboundaries.Theymaywonderwhatkindofadultyou"llend up being.Inthiswrite-up,we"regoingtotalkaboutwhatthismeansforyouandhowyoucandealwithit.

"ParentsJustDon"tUnderstand"

Theworldyouareenteringisdifferentfromtheworldyourparentsgrewupin.Itmayseemliketheyjustdon"tgetit,butrememberthattheywereonceyourageandhadmanyofthesameemotionsandexperiences.It"sokayifyouandyourparentssharedifferentinterestsandconcepts,buttrytotalktothemopenly,soyoucanlearntounderstandeachvarious other.Thatcanmakethesetransitionseasier.Nomatterhowfarapartyoumaythrive,youcanstillshareastrongbond.

Trysharingpartsofyourlifewiththem.Theymightnotlikeallofyourfavoritemusic,buttheremaystillbesomecommonground.OneyoungmantookaninterestinIrishballadsandlistenedtothemwithhisfriends.Whenheintroducedthismusictohispaleas,theyrenewedtheirbondastheybeganexploringotheraspectsoftheirIrishheritageandattendingculturaloccasions.

WhenYouLookSoDifferent

Yourhairreduced,yourgarments,andyourchoiceinbodydécormakeastatement.Youaretellingtheworldwhatgroupyouidentifythrough.Ifthatidentityiscountercultural,yourparentsmaybeeverybitasalarmedasparentswereinthe1950swhentheirsonsworeblackleatherjacketsandrodemotorcyclesortheirdaughtersworebikinistothebeach.Parentscangetnervouswhentheirchildrendonotconformtosocietalstandards.They"veprobablyforgottentheirownrebelliousdays,oriftheyremember,they"reafraidrebellionwillleadyoutomakesomeofthesamemistakestheymade.Itisimportanttorememberthatyourparentswillnotagreewithallofyourselections,andthat"sokay;they"restillyourchoicestomake.

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Furthermore,whatseemsradicaltodaymaynotseemthatwaytomorrow.Today,mostpeopledon"tthinktwiceaboutyoungmenonmotorcyclesorbikini-cladgirlsatthebeach.Tattoos,onceviewedveryconservatively,arenowmuchmoremainstreamandacceptable.Neon-streakedhairisfashionablenow,whereasitwasoncereservedforpunkrockers.Thisisbecauseyoungpeoplegrowup,andthethingstheydidintheiryouthnolongerseembizarre.They"vebeennormalized.Anightofhomemoviesthatdepicttheradicalismoftheirowneramighthelpyourparentsrememberthatthingsthatbeginsasfadsortrendsoftenbecomethenormastimepasses.

WhyDoMyParentsHateMe?TheyPunishMeforEverything

Parentsaretaughttoplaceboundariesonchildrenbysettingreasonablelimitsandexpectations.It"showtheytakeresponsibilityforyourgeneraldevelopmentandsocialawareness.Theywantyoutounderstandthattherearerulesandthatbreakingthemhasconsequences.

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Itisnormalforparentstoreprimandtheirchildrenfornotobeyingrulesmeanttokeepthemsafeorpromotetheirsocialwellbeing.Commonconsequencesforrulebreakingaregrounding,takingawayfavoritevideogames,orlimitingcellphoneprivileges.Someparentsgivetheirchildrenextrachores,cornerthemwithanhour-longlecture,orsendthemtoarelativeorcounselorforthe"hardtalk."Thesetacticsareknownas"toughlove"becausethey"reoftenhardonpaleas,also.Contrarytopopularbelief,theydon"tenjoypunishingyou.Theydowhattheymusttoensureyougrowuptobeahealthy and balanced,happy,andstablelaw-abidingcitizen.

Parentshavedifferentwaysofdiscipliningchildrentoteachresponsibilityandotherlifelessons.Yourparentsdon"thateyouiftheystopyoufromstayingoutallnight,skippingyourhomework,orhangingoutwithpeoplewhomightbeabadinfluence.Inreality,thesearesignsthatyourparentsloveyou.They"renotgoingtoallowyoutolearnbadactions,surroundyourselfwithharmfulcivilization,orbecomesomeonewhoneglectsresponsibilities.

StayStrong

Youandyourparentsaregoingthroughanemotionalbattlewhileyourbodygoesthroughchemicalchangesandyourmindevolvesinwaysyoumaynotunderstand also.Feelingscanseemconfusingandevenchaoticwhileyou"rebecominganadult.Itissometimeshardforyourparentstowatchthesechanges.Ontopofallofthat,it"sverycommonforparentsandyoungpeopletomiscommunicateandfight,soitcanfeellikearealpowerbattle.Itmightseemlikeyoudon"tseeeye-to-eyeonmuchatall.

Anytimeyouseeanopportunitytocommunicate,takeadvantageofit.Sharesomeofwhatyou"relearningandthefutureyouseeinfrontofyou.Ifyoutalktosomeoneintheirlate20s,you"llprobablylearnthattheirrelationshipwiththeirparentshasimprovedsincetheywereateenager.You"reinanaturallytumultuoustime,eventhoughit"salsowonderfulinmanymeans.Ifyou"reexperiencingsomerockinessinyourrelationshipwithyourparents,itwilllikelychangesoon.Oneday,youwillstarttoseeeachotherasequaladults.

Whenthingsgetdifficult,takeabreak.Getsomearea.Goforawalk,andspendsomequiettimealone,writingdownyourthoughtsortakingdeepbreaths.Nothinggoodevercomeswhenpeoplemeetinthemidstofangerandanxiety.

Whenyou"refeelingcalm,talktoyourparentsopenlyandhonestlyabouttheirexpectationsandyours.Thiswillshowthemyourmaturityandyourwillingnesstomeetthemhalfmeans.Yourparentsareprobablyconfoundedbyyourbehaviorandwonderwhat"sgoingoninsideyourhead.Ifyougivethemabackstagepasstoyourthoughts,theywillthankyouforit.

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Itcanalsobehelpfultotalktopeoplewhounderstand also.Reachouttofriendsorothertrustedadultsforsupport.Sometimesithelpstogetanotherperspectiveandtoberemindedthatthistooshallpass.

Ifyourproblemsseemhard,youmightwanttospeakwithaexperienced.Therapyisananonymousanddiscreetwaytotalkaboutyourthoughtsandfeelings.jiyuushikan.orghaslicensedcounselorswhocanhelpyou,andmanyofthemspecializeinworkingwithteenagers,youngadults,andfamilies.Checkoutsomereviewsofourcounselorsfrompeopleexperiencingsimilarconcerns.

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CounselorReviews

"JudyhashelpedbethecalminmystormoffiguringoutmotherhoodwhenIdidn"thavethebestmother/daughterrelationshiptogleanknowledgefrom.Shehashelpedmeprocessmystress,feelingsoffrustrationasanewparent,andworkedmethroughthoseeverydayconcerns.Sheisquick,responsive,andkind.Iappreciateherrealworldtipsandideastohelpmevia.IfeelsafeopeninguptoJudyandfeelsheistheretobetheguidinglightIneedduringsomedarktimes."

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"IstartedworkingwithJeanaafewweeksagomainlybecauseIamtryingtoreallystepoutandlearnwhoIamwithouttheinfluenceofmyfamilyandothers.Shehasbeensoveryhelpfulinguidingmethroughthisprocessandhelpingmemanagethoseemotionsthatwillpopupwhiletryingtodigthroughlife."

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Conclusion

Evenifitseemslikeyourparentshateyou,deepdownyouknowthey"rehardonyouandhavehighexpectationsbecausetheyloveyou.Theywantyoutogrowupwiththerightlessonsandmorals.Youmightthinktheyhateyoubecausetheygroundedyou,butwhentheypunishyou,they"retryingtoteachyouobligation.Itdoesn"tmakeitmuch easier,butitwillallowyoutotakethestepsyouneedtobecomeyourownfulfilled,independentperboy.Takethefirstaction.


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