Hey everyone, I just thought I"d share this with the SAF crowd because it"s pretty hilarious.http://www.tentimesone.com/if-world-war-one-was-a-bar-fight/ http://www.tentimesone.com/if-world-war-two-was-a-bar-fight/This is taking all the countries from both world wars and also personifying them in a bar fight establishing. I thought it was really funny, so I wrote a similar point (essay, I guess?) around the Cold War. Why? Since I was bored and also had actually nothing much better to execute then use the Off Topic forum!It starts best after WWII ends:As Germany type of, Japan, and also Italy lie unconscious on the floor of the bar, America and also Russia gain up and also dust themselves off. They exadjust a sympathetic glance as they look roughly at the utterly destroyed bar. As the two giants go with the various other belligerents’ pockets, they begin to argue around who should obtain what. Just then, North Korea, North Vietnam, South Korea, and South Vietnam walk into the bar and also ask Russia and America what the hell is going on. When Russia and America describe what taken place and also their predicament around sharing the spoils, North Korea and also North Vietnam agree to hang out with Russia sometimes and stick up for them if they must. South Vietnam and South Korea agree to execute the very same for America. They all go earlier to separate tables, Russia at the head of one and also America at the head of one more, and also begin quietly trash talking each other while casting suspicious glances across the room.Both sides start working out and also spfinish many time gaining buff to intimidate the others. Poland, Czechoslovakia, Romania, and Hungary start hanging out with Russia a lot, and also America becomes good friends with Britain, Australia, France, and also a few others. Both sides are terrified bereason they recognize they are both transporting sawn-off shotfirearms in their jackets and might blow each various other amethod, so they store buying bigger and bigger ones to intimidate the others. (continued)


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North Korea finally decides it has had actually enough of South Korea, so North Korea sneaks up and smashes a beer bottle over South Korea’s head. South Korea, dazed at first, asks America for aid, so America comes over and consistently punches North Korea in the confront till he is on the floor. China, that had actually been hanging out at the Russian table recently, decides to step in and also hits both South Korea and also America with a pool cue. Extremely pissed, America flashes a huge shotgun at China, who responds by mirroring a slightly smaller sized gun. Russia, still sitting at the table, fiddles via an even bigger weapon while trying to look unaffiliated. China and North Korea agree to back off as lengthy as America promises not to fire the gun at them, and also America agrees. Both sides sit dvery own at their tables and also start trash talking each various other aacquire. North Vietnam, influenced by North Korea, decides to attempt and impush Russia and also throws a number of beer bottles at South Vietnam while he’s not paying attention. America tells North Vietnam to stop, however the bottles keep hitting South Korea. America decides that the ethically best point to carry out is to stand also up for South Vietnam, so he jumps in front of a pool sphere thrown by North Vietnam and also acts choose it was intfinished for him. America then rolls up his sleeves and also punches North Vietnam multiple times while obtaining hit ago practically as tough. Russia then hands North Vietnam a pair of brass knuckles, which North Vietnam supplies to punch America in the crotch. America then retreats to a edge of the bar and also starts suggesting through himself around whether or not to proceed. After losing a number of more teeth to North Vietnam, America finally decides to give up, so North Vietnam beats up South Vietnam so negative that he runs out the door cursing America for not helping out. Nobody observed South Vietnam aacquire after that. (continued)
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America retransforms to the table with Germany, Canada, Britain, and a few others wearing a tranquility sign on a necklace and drinking tea while cigarette smoking a blunt. The others wonder what the hell is going on through America, however then decide they better not question him bereason he offers them steroid pills that make them look buff and help them intimidate Russia. Meanwhile, Russia is suspiciously eyeing Afghanistan, that came in for a beer after his low-wage change at the sand mine and also is sitting quietly at the bar via his finest friend Mujahideen. Russia comes over and also asks Afghanistan to come sit at the table via Poland also, Romania, Czechoslovakia, and the others, yet Afghanistan refuses. So Russia gets out some brass knuckles and also knocks Afghanistan out cold, then tries to drag him to the table. America notices from across the room and also is not pleased, yet simply mutters something about not acquiring connected in an additional brawl and slips a switchblade to Mujahideen, that had been unefficiently trying to pull Russia off Afghanistan. Mujahideen slashes Russia in the face via the knife, so Russia decides he has had actually sufficient and also stumbles back to the table, leaving Afghanistan and Mujahideen to recuperate from their wounds. (continued)
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At the same time, Russia’s old buddies are starting to gain frustrated by Russia’s obsession via power and also his halittle bit of trying to manage them, so they start arguing via Russia. Russia responds by punching Lithuania and also Estonia, that he believed were among his best friends, in the challenge. But that just provides the others angrier, and also inevitably they all jump on Russia and smash a bar stool extremely tough over his head. Russia is currently laying on the floor in a coma, so the others decide to start hanging out via America and his clique at the other table, leaving China, North Vietnam (who readjusted his name to Vietnam after South Vietnam left town), and North Korea feeling extremely depressed at the old Russia clique’s table. Slowly, Russia starts to acquire up from the floor, badly wounded yet deeply pissed off. The other table, including Russia’s previous friends, starts acting suspicious towards Russia as he regains his toughness. After all, both sides still have actually those huge shotguns in their jackets. When Russia sees his old friend Ukraine sitting at the various other table, though, he gets so angry that he sulks over to Novarossiya, who had just entered the bar. Russia asks Novarossiya to step into the old feud also though he is brand-new in town, but Novarossiya agrees and also “accidentally” spills a pint of beer anywhere Ukraine.(NOTE: Novarossiya is the cumulative name for some of the Ukrainian pro-Russian rebel teams in presence appropriate now)
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Ukraine is angry and also shoves Novarossiya to the ground, however Novarossiya gets up and also punches Ukraine best in the nose. An all-out brawl ensues, and also Russia starts slips empty vodka bottles and pool cues to Novarossiya, that uses them to fight Ukraine to a stalemate. Russia also habitually sneaks in a kick or two at Ukraine’s knees as soon as the others aren’t looking. America and also some of the former members of Russia’s clique jump up and also begin yelling cuss words at Russia and Novarossiya, yet Russia and also Novarossiya neglect them and also deny they are doing anything wrong.I guess time will tell how this component of the story ends....