zirr Topic Author New Member
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You are watching: I lied to my boyfriend about my age
HiI am currently 22 years old and female. I"ve been lying about my age my entirety life really, as I have constantly been older in my mind than I remained in perkid as I had actually to flourish up quite fast and would lie about my age as I felt at the time that I wouldn"t acquire taken seriously in my views and understanding being a teenager.When I was 18 I met and also made many music through a guy who was 37 at the time. I provided to go to his home a lot and also make music and also chat as we had actually a lot of comparable interests. By the age of 19 we were hanging out a lot and he asked me my age. I shelp I was 22 without even thinking around it because I was scared of what he would think if he knew I was 19, aswell has actually having actually some feelings for him at this suggest.So we ultimately ended up gaining together and also relocated in together, all through him thinking I was 22. The place we moved to finished up with all these various other exciting world living around the location and we would as a pair kinda accomplish them and also I made many friends, yet had actually to say I was 22 as that"s how it went.My social life prospered in all kinds of directions yet I was stuck in this lie of being 22 because of what I had actually told my ex boyfriend. Things weren"t really functioning out in between me and also him as a result of the age gap and me wanting to go out and socialize whereas he wanted to stay inside all the time.Stuff happened and eventually I left him for someone I dropped deeply in love with. I tried hard to not fall in love via this perboy however it happened. When we initially gained together I tried so difficult to tell him my actual age but I simply didn"t have the courage, I didn"t understand exactly how to go about saying it. It would eat amethod at me every single day and also I was so paranoid and also guilty, and also that feeling of guilt and also paranoia made various other parts of our relationship give me paranoia.We were planning to go a pilgrimage and I had to use for a passport as I didn"t have actually one. I applied for it and also knew that at some suggest soon it was all going to come out. He ran into my kitchen via the passport (still in its envelope) excited to check out it and also that we would certainly be able to go on our pilgrimage. I freaked out and didn"t want to look at the passport but then we looked at it. He was looking at it and also then didn"t say anypoint but was extremely off via me. I knew he kbrand-new however I still simply couldn"t say anypoint about it, so I obtained drunk so I could tell him. I told him every little thing and he left, then in the morning I woke up and he was sleeping on my couch.He hasn"t told me anything exactly how he feels around every one of this and also I do not understand exactly how he"s reacting. We"ve been together presently a year. I feel so guilty as I love him so much and it"s so stupid because I always felt choose I might tell him anything choose I"ve never before felt via anyone however I was stuck with that which made every little thing poor in myself and created other bad stuff in the partnership.I simply desire to cry the guilt simply eats away at me I don"t also really feel that a lot relief from admitting it after all these years simply pure guilt around it all and also are afraid I"ve ruined a relationship that I really desire to occupational. I don"t know what to execute as he won"t say any words ago at me when I"ve tried to talk around it?? I think he"s really sad and also has shed trust in me
It breaks my heart. Not to cite I"ve been all paranoid about one of his ex"s, via some excellent reason but mainly I think from my very own fear I have actually in myself as a result of this lie about my age I was projecting it out in fear in him and also I kbrand-new it upset him that I didn"t trust him, when I really did trust him it was all coming from my own are afraid and my very own stuff in myself.I"m scared maybe he wont want to be through me anymore?? It"s all simply so sad.. I regret it so much.. I didn"t also purposecompletely lie to him or anypoint I was simply stuck in this lie that was so substantial and also surrounded my whole social circle I was as well scared to admit it to him. I wish I had simply told him but I couldn"t. So he discovered out I"m not actually 25 but 22.
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When I write it down I feel so stupid that this has taken place. I hate myself for it.What carry out I do?? :"(