There’s this suggest in Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk where the narrator beats the shit out of “Angel Face” and also as an explanation for his act of near annihilation claims, “I wanted to destroy something beautiful I’d never have.”

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The full quote is this:

“What Tyler states about the crap and also the servants of background, that’s exactly how I felt. I wanted to ruin somepoint beautiful I’d never have actually. Burn the Amazon rain woodlands. Pump chlorofluorocarbons directly up to gobble the ozone. Open the dump valves on supertankers and also uncap offshore oil wells. I wanted to kill all the fish I couldn’t afford to eat, and also smom the French beaches I’d never see. I wanted the whole civilization to hit bottom. Pounding that boy, I really wanted to put a bullet in between the eyes of eincredibly threatened panda that wouldn’t screw to save its species and eextremely whale or dolphin that gave up and ran itself aground.”

I’ve had actually a nose ring for more than 12 years.

You are watching: I just wanted to destroy something beautiful

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I don’t understand if I’ve ever before told anyone this, however the real reason why I obtained it pierced wasn’t bereason I thought I would certainly choose the way it looked. I got it pierced bereason I never especially liked my challenge. I’ve hated the look of my nose for as long as I deserve to remember. So for me, obtaining this piercing was an act of devastation. I wanted to defile my challenge through steel. This was ago prior to eexceptionally various other womale you witnessed had actually a nose piercing, and also as soon as they did have one, they had a nose stud.

I always expected it to be ugly.

That’s not to say that body modification is destruction, however for me, in that minute, it was.

I’ve acquired supplied to my nose ring over time, and currently it’s simply a part of my challenge.

But every one of the stupid, reckmuch less things I’ve done in my life have actually been willful acts of self-devastation.

I’d love to tell you that my obsession via nutrition originates from a “treat my body as a temple” mentality, but that would certainly be a finish and utter lie. It’s not for wellness. It’s the just defense I have against my completing desire to destroy myself.

It’s not just physical, of course. It’s not just that desire to scream at the top of my lungs and wipe whatever off my desk via a swipe of my arm. Or to take whatever I own and collection it on fire. To run away and also start over. I understand also destruction on other levels. I understand what the narrator in Fight Club implies when he says he wants the whole human being to hit bottom.

Not to the fatality, but to the pain.

I gravitate toward the ugliness inside myself. I favor it. I choose my dark thoughts about the crushing futility of hope. I prefer disturbed things, broken things. I choose the ugly bits in various other civilization. I choose the devastating bits, if not the aftermath of that devastation. I choose seeing world twisted up on the inside and also how that manifests itself on the exterior. Some world finish up lashing out at others, being cruel or instrumental. Other civilization look inside themselves and develop pretty points out of the ugly.

It’s not fair of me to like them, however I like world who have struggled more than people that spout happiness clichés ex nihilo. I have no interest in human being that have actually coasted their means through a charmed life. They’re boring.

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The fictional antihero was birthed out of this ugliness that lurks inside us, and also these are the protagonists I’ve always gravitated towards.

Meursault. Babsence Widow. Sherlock Holmes. Tyler Durden.

It’s not simple to write antiheroes, I’ve uncovered.

The reader hregarding prefer the character however be suspicious of them, to know they should more than likely be puniburned, or at least challenge after-effects, but to not want them to be. You need to give them a dark earlier story or a home window into their rough inner life without shedding the action of the story. A well-composed antihero pressures the reader to revolve inward and also look at that ugliness lurking inside themselves, so as a writer you have to make that ugliness relatable without a gimmick.

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I love a story about redemption—I perform. I love rooting for the underdog. I prefer the unsupposed hero, too.