I'm fourteenager, so I don't have a job and also moving out isn't an choice. My mommy likes to yell at me for anything leading to any type of kind of mess and often swears, as well. And then, because I'm a mess, I start crying and also it's difficult for me to soptimal. But as lengthy as I'm allowed to have time to myself and also no one brings it up aobtain, I'll be fine.
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Which is why it always takes me a good few hrs to calm down.
My mother likes to come right into my room and describe just how it's really all my fault, not hers, that I'm so upcollection and also that I have to obtain over and also that I must 'say a small prayer'. No. Fuck off. Leave me alone and shut up. I'm exaggerating slightly, she's not that poor, however I hate living through her so a lot. She gets it once my dad provides me cry(which happens around one-tenth as often as her making me cry), informing him to speak talking about it, yet once she's the one yelling, she doesn't obtain it.
I recognize they're simply words. I understand you were mad. I understand you don't hate the fabricated good-girl persona I'll be required to keep till I deserve to lastly relocate out that you mistake for being me. But I'm still crying. I don't want to cry, however I am. So simply go ameans and don't talk to me around it. Or simply don't talk to me, period. Please perform that last one.
I think I understand what part of it is: I'm afrassist of being treated prefer... "Paul", let's call him. Paul is my brvarious other, and Paul was a rebellious bit shitstain who relocated out at the age of 17 over a haircut. When I was younger, I can never understand also why Paul was so unparticipating and also therefore didn't feel bad for him once, say, Mom would certainly hit him for talking back or Dad beat him for having actually "marijuana" in his backpack(which was actually simply dried leaves from a plant picked on a household trip). But now? I'm the one having rebellious thoughts. I'm smarter than Paul, however I'm still afrassist of acquiring on my mom's poor side permanently and also coming to be favor Paul in her eyes.
Absolutely nopoint she states around him is positive. Even once he was living through us, it was greatly put-downs and insults. Paul wasn't a great guy and also we're two very different civilization, yet I don't recognize what'll make me cross the line right into Paul territory in my mom's mind. I guess that's why I'm scared of screwing up, and also whenever before I obtain yelled at, the tears happen.
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Basically, I cry as well much bereason my mom is unpredictable and also I don't want her making the next three years of my life a living hell.