Just because you and your ex weren"t able to make your connection occupational does not suppose that all the feelings you had for them immediately went amethod. Whatever the factor for your break-up, you and your ex may still be physically attracted to each other. If that"s the instance, you may begin wondering: Can you be friends via benefits via your ex? I suppose, you"re still as physically attracted to them as ever, however you both understand that a romantic relationship between you simply does not job-related, so why not save it physical? The short answer is, being FWB through an ex is possible, yet it isn"t simple.

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"If you have actually a background via a perkid, while that may make it easier to get right into bed the first time, that history will follow you right into the bedroom at some suggest over time," Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and also host of The Kurre and also Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily. "Shifting from a committed partnership to a FWB relationship with your ex is psychologically very dangerous. Tbelow is also a lot historical baggage attached."

Friends via benefits instances are tough enough as it is, Klapow defines, because they go against human nature. "The feelings that we instantly attribute to intimacy often rotate a straightforward and also basic FWB situation right into one that has actually a lot deeper feelings," he adds. So, if you take somepoint that"s currently tough and include someone you have actually a previous through, it have the right to make points even harder.

Before you think about making an ex your FWB, consider these inquiries.

Can You Be Friends With Benefits With An Ex?


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While you may think you can prevent getting emotionally attached to a FWB, that"s not true for everyone. "Feelings are still affiliated, whether world want to admit that or not, and it just complicates things," breakup coach and hold of the breakup BOOST podactors Trina Leckie tells Elite Daily. When it involves a FWB arrangement through an ex, Leckie alerts that one perboy may be doing it for the wrong reasons. "They are really struggling via the breakup and also even have hope that their ex will adjust their mind and also want to gain earlier together," she claims, which is why getting right into a FWB situation with an ex is extra risky.

"This kind of partnership can occupational with the appropriate borders and clear communication about what you both want," Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Online Life Coaching, tells Elite Daily. However before, if you and your ex are pretty much acting favor you"re dating, even though you aren"t, the case deserve to obtain confmaking use of and painful incredibly conveniently, she adds. If you"re spending a lot of time together and going out together, it might seem favor you"re in a connection aacquire, so, "one of you may realize that you desire to obtain earlier together the various other ex does not," Dr. Gary Brown, a influential couples" therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily.

What’s The Downside Of Being Friends With Benefits With An Ex?

Aside from the potential confusion, having casual sex with an ex have the right to have actually even more downsides than you’d expect. "You really have actually zero manage if you or your companion will certainly construct more powerful feelings or desire a deeper commitment," Martinez states. Even if you make rules about the points the 2 of you can and can not carry out and develop borders, exactly how you feel is frequently out of your control — specifically if the lines acquire a small blurred. Leckie states being FWB with your ex could additionally keep you from being able to truly heal from the breakup bereason a component of you could still feel favor you"re in a connection.

“It is not a great concept bereason after a breakup, civilization must emphasis on their healing,” Leckie formerly told Elite Daily. “You have broken up for a reason, and the factor why civilization breakup is bereason they need to go their sepaprice means.” Not only that, however resting with your ex have the right to additionally reason you more pain dvery own the road.

“In most cases, when human being are still resting together after a breakup, one perkid is holding onto hope that they will gain back together, and the various other person who wanted the breakup is regularly taking benefit of that,” Leckie defined. “This form of case have the right to cause even more hurt feelings, confusion, jealousy, and drama.” If that’s the instance, then it can be best to uncover another hookup buddy.

Why Is It So Tempting To Be Friends With Benefits With An Ex?


Granted, staying away from your ex once things ended amicably and you"re still exceptionally a lot attracted to them can be really tough. "The temptation is constantly tright here to go back to what"s comfortable and also familiar," Susan Winter, NYC-based connection expert and also love coach, tells Elite Daily. "That"s why you"ll sometimes see sex-related habits between exes that lasts throughout the years. It might be on-and-off and might just be once both are in-between partners, but it"s the "go-to" habits whenever before single or lonely." Winter says it could be considered a weaning procedure, yet agrees it can backfire if you desire somepoint more and your ex-turned-FWB doesn"t... or vice versa.

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At some point, obtaining right into a FWB instance via your ex can work, but it have the right to acquire facility if feelings come earlier, or if they never really went amethod in the first location. "Potentially lonely nights are easier to endure once lying beside someone you are also friends through," Dr. Brown points out. But store in mind, if your goal is to find someone you desire to have a significant connection through, hooking up with your ex repetitively might be maintaining you from that, Martinez advises. "It can occupational out, but you need to be clear on the expectations going in," she adds.

If you and also your ex have the right to agree to a no-strings-attached case, and you both know (and also accept) for a reality that it"s just sex, reap being FWB through no concerns. However before, if either among you has ulterior motives or residual feelings, think twice before starting anything up.


Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and also hold of The Kurre and Klapow Show