The story of sea salt. It’s a story of geology, endurance, and also erosion. Unfortunately, this story appears to be unknown to several persons of dubious copious fame. And they’ve taken it upon themselves to produce a menagerie of strange, kickass and also gross theories on ocean salinity. Join me now on a stselection and wondrous trip to debunk some bad celebrity scientific research.

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The Chuck Norris Hypothesis

The world’s seas were created from the tears of Chuck Norris’ enemies.

A normal huguy sheds around 100 liters of tears in their lifetime. The volume of the ocean is 1,335,000,000 km3. To fill the sea Chuck Norris would certainly need about 13 quintillian enemies. However, tbelow are only around 7.5 billion human being on earth. Either 99.99999995% of Chuck Norris’ adversaries are aliens, or Chuck Norris has actually extracted enough tears to fill 5000 olympic swimming pools from each and also every huguy that has ever lived. Either means, don’t f**k with Chuck.

The David Avocado Wolfe Hypothesis

The reason why the oceans are salty is that’s what’s necessary to hold the water onto the Planet. If that didn’t occur the water would levitate best off the Planet, that’d be the finish of it. The salt holds it on, in the very same means it holds it right into our body.

DO I NEED TO BATHE IN RARE HIMALAYAN ICELANDIC SALT SO I DON’T FLOAT AWAY? TELL ME AVOCADO MANBUN MAN!!! It appears Avocaexecute Manbun guy plainly denies the existence of freshwater lakes, which because of their absence of salt, have to be floating away at this exceptionally instant.

It’s GRAVITY Manbun Avocaexecute. Gravity is the attractivity in between various masses and keeps salt water, freshwater and everything else on this planet on the ground. Salt simply makes water denser than freshwater. Things that are denser sink, while points that are much less dense (or buoyant) float. If you exceptionally gently pour saltwater into freshwater*, it will sink. Although if you lived on people through an atmosphere of molten lead (which is 10X denser than water), salt water would be buoyant and float away right into the skies. It would additionally be 621F and the water would rotate into gas and you would certainly be a liquid, however that’s simply a minor technicality.

The Snooki Hypothesis


…the water’s all whale sperm. That’s why the ocean’s salty.

First thing: EEEEEWWW. Second thing: GOOGLED IT. This is also the point wright here I learned a lot around whale ejaculate. THERE ARE THINGS I CAN’T UNSEE. So how much whale sperm DO you should make the ocean salty?

Unsurprisingly, you can’t google the salinity of whale sperm. But you deserve to google the salinity of huguy sperm. Because we are all mammals here, I’ll just use human sperm as proxy sperm. Ejaculate is 3 times as salty as seawater (although it made up of a somewhat different collection of ions). Because of this according to Snooki, one 3rd of the sea volume is whale sperm. Sperm is additionally much less thick than seawater (because of the lipid content). Thus according to Bunmale Avocado, it would float amethod into the sky. But I digress.

Popular internet lore claims that a blue whale produces over 400 gallons of liquid each time it ejaculates, about enough to fill a hot tub. This is a value that has been debunked, but no one has actually measured blue whale ejaculate volume. So we shall estimate it! Ejaculate volume for miscellaneous whale species arrays from 2-24 ml (2-16 bar shots). Testes dimension from 0.1-3.6 kg**. Testes dimension to ejaculate volume ranges from 0.01-0.6. At many, a blue whale with 45-70 kg testes would certainly only make 27-42 ml of ejaculate (although I agree this sounds really small). That would be an extremely sorry hot tub…or would it?

Blue whale you have actually failed us. I summon you Right Whale!! With 1 ton testes it produces gallons of sperm each time it mates. David Attenbostormy doesn’t lie human being. Right whales have been well-known to live up to 70 years. Assuming best whales try to mate 20 times per year, via 2 gallons per encounter…that’s 2800 gallons a year of ejaculate! As such, it would take 1.25 x 1017  hot and bothered whales living 70 years each to make the ocean salty. If that were true, tbelow would certainly be more whales than mosquitos and it would be time to invest in some sort of whale swatter innovation. I’m calling your bluff Snooki.



Salt in the sea comes from rocks on land.

Yes, it’s true. Not from vanquimelted foes, not from amorous cetaceans and also certainly not to proccasion spontaneous levitation. ROCKS. Over many, many kind of eons, rain pitter-pattered on rocks, weathering them, dissolving salts and also minerals. This ever-so-slightly water inevitably flowed right into the ocean. Some ions were consumed by sea beasties. Other ions ongoing to rise in concentration. It was this slow-moving accumulation of ions, in particular sodium and also chloride, that ultimately ended up being the salty sea water we currently of today. It truly is a beautiful geological saga that is better than any kind of story a celebrity could or has actually ever made up.

A shoutout to Madeline Merck, the owner of the Chuck Norris calendar that inspired this post!

*This assumes that the denser water does not mix through the neighboring water, aka you pour in dense red water into clear fresh water and the two waters merge to form pink water.

**One Orca testicle weighs about the same as a newborn baby.


Kelley, T. C., Stewart, R. E., Yurkowski, D. J., Ryan, A., & Ferguson, S. H. (2015). Mating ecology of beluga (Delphinapterus leucas) and also narwhal (Monodon monoceros) as estimated by refertile tract metrics. Naval Mammal Science, 31(2), 479-500.

Neuenhagen, C., Hartmann, M. G., & Greven, H. (2007). Histology and morphometrics of testes of the white-sided dolphin (Lagenorhynchus acutus) in bycapture samples from the northeastern Atlantic. Mammalian Biology-Zeitschrift für Säugetierkunde, 72(5), 283-298.

Robeck, T. R., K. J. Steinguy, M. Greenwell, K. Ramirez, W. Van Bonn, M. Yoshioka, and also J. K. O’Brien. Seasonality, estrous cycle characterization, estrus synchronization, semales cryoconservation, and artificial insemicountry in the Pacific white-sided dolphin (Lagenorhynchus obliquidens). Reprod., 138: 391–405. doi: 10.1530. REP-08-0528, 2009.

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Robeck, T. R., Steinguy, K. J., Gearhart, S., Reidarchild, T. R., McBain, J. F., & Monfort, S. L. (2004). Reabundant physiology and development of fabricated insemination technology in killer whales (Orcinus orca). Biology of Reproduction, 71(2), 650-660.