Dear Harlan: For the past two years, eexceptionally guy that I fulfill and am interested in transforms out to be married, gay or both! My friends execute not think me. One time, we were at a parade in our hometown and a nice older gentlemale (possibly 15 years older) started flirting with me. The friends give. We moved to the oppowebsite side of the road (at his request) and had actually an excellent time, until he tells me he is gay and also married to a woguy (simply in order to get his trust fund). I asked him why he wanted to hang through me without my friends. He shelp bereason I was fun and nonjudgmental. So, here"s my question: How carry out I accomplish a directly male that thinks I"m No. 1? I used to pick losers, clean them up and marry them off to my friends.

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- Bad Picker

Dear Bad Picker: The saying "All the good ones are gay or married" is NOT TRUE. I understand also what"s happening. You go after males that need help. You strategy them bereason they"re approachable (i.e. much less most likely to refuse you). They favor the attention. You clean them up. By the moment they are preferable, they watch you as a frifinish and also seek your friends. Then, you play the victim. When it concerns the gay men who favor you, the gay males strategy you because they aren"t worried around gaining rejected by you. Maybe you"re just as well warm for right males to technique you? Try this - seek exceptionally confident men who do not must be cleaned up, and also do not be surprised when older guys at gay pride parades hit on you. When approaching confident males, be assertive and also make it clear that you"re searching for a day and not a friend. Then see where this takes you. Clat an early stage, you"re fun and likable.

Dear Harlan: I have actually plans to deliver to Northern Michigan University following year and also have actually currently started the process. I do not prefer the college I am currently attfinishing and also have actually currently told my friends about my transport. They all are having actually difficulties via their relationships and also end up adding the fact that I won"t be below following year as one more of their problems. How do I resolve this type of guilt? I love the few friends I have here, yet I can not drvery own in their troubles. I have always been tright here for them, and it"s difficult enough for me to leave, but I understand I"ll be happier once I leave this college. I simply have to recognize just how to help myself without hurting my closest friends. Any advice would certainly be great. - Helping Without Hurting

Dear Hurting: I"ll make you a deal: Tell your friends around my columm and also have actually them create to me. I"ll execute my ideal to get back to them Then you have the right to take treatment of yourself and also execute what you have to carry out to be healthy and balanced. In the meantime, provide them permission to be sad and also miss you while you take treatment of yourself. Between Facebook, Twitter, cell phones, chatting and visits, you deserve to remajor close. While I"m certain they will miss you, the problem could not be you transporting as much as it"s having actually friends who love to talk about their difficulties. If anypoint, they have to give thanks to you. You transferring has offered them a new problem. And that"s around the a lot of generous thing you could perform for civilization that love problems.

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Harlan is the writer of "Dad"s Pregnant Too" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan(at) or visit online: All letters submitted become property of the writer. Sfinish paper to Assistance Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicearlier, IL 60614.